‘Sheepish’ cops experience humour
failure
July 13 2011 at 01:04pm
By LOUISE FLANAGAN
INLSA
This is the flock of sheep that was impounded by Joburg metro police officers outside a Sandton business, whose owner was issued with a R2 000 fine.
You can’t pull the wool over the eyes of the Joburg metro cops.
Officers from the Joburg metro police department (JMPD) impounded a flock of seven sheep outside a Sandton business, and fined the business R2 000 for illegal trading.
The sheep were made of wire and beads, and were outside the Bang & Olufsen shop in Peter Place in Sandton to amuse staff and passersby.
They were decorations, argued the staff, but were met with what amounted to a “Bah”.
“They would have to pay a pound fee, to get them out of the pound,” said JMPD spokesman Wayne Minnaar.
B&O sales manager Mike Sharp said they had bought the wire and beadwork sheep from local craftsmen as a social responsibility gesture, and put them to “graze” on B&O’s grass verge each morning “to create both a unique B&O presence as well as a welcome respite for passing commuters”.
But city officials had a sense-of-humour failure.
A JMPD officer, who wished not to be named, seized the sheep and issued a R2 000 fine for “trading on a park or garden, where the public has a right of access”.
B&O sells luxury audio-visual equipment, not wire sheep. Sharp said if officers couldn’t understand the novelty purpose of the sheep, they could have asked, but did not.
“You can’t just put things outside for decoration… The goods probably were sold to the public,” said Sipho Dlepu, the head of by-law enforcement.
He said the officer had told him that “those artworks were taken away because at the particular spot where they were trading, trading is not allowed.”
Sharp said the B&O headquarters in Denmark are in an ultra-modern building in a pastoral setting, with real sheep around.
“We just thought it would be so quirky to try and replicate that. People really enjoy driving past and seeing what the sheep are up to,” Sharp said.
When the sheep were moved to different spots, B&O staff got e-mails asking why the sheep weren’t talking to each other; when they moved them back into a group, they got e-mails saying how nice it was that the sheep were friends again; when one was borrowed, they got e-mails asking where the baby sheep was; when they put scarves on them in winter, they got e-mails approving the attempts to keep them “warm”.
“We’re trying desperately to get them back,” said Sharp. “We’re looking at having a sheepdog made.” - The Star
Racing Rams
Not one of the world’s most popular sports admittedly, but sheep racing is nevertheless an annual event in certain parts of the world.
From the Cape Times 14 April 2010
Beunos Aires: Two Argentine convicts who escaped from jail reportedly evaded capture by disguising themselves as sheep.
Maximiliano Pereyra and Ariel Diaz dressed in full sheepskin fleeces with realistic looking heads as they tried to evade capture. Pereyra, 25 and Diaz, 28 who were jailed for robbery, escaped from a maximum security jail. They stole the sheep hides from a local ranch and used their disguises to fool officials for more than a week despite more than 300 members of the local constabulary searching. The local police have been left embarrassed by the episode after locals reported seeing the pair running through local fields at night.
loice said it appeared that identifying the pair among thousands of sheep was “almost impossible” “They can’t pull the wool over our eyes forever,” an officer said. - Orange news
I get bored begging galleries for $$ for paintings sold, so I tried this approach to one:
Dear Beloved in Art,
I am writing this to inform you of your inheritance.
My husband was a senior member in the Nigerian army and died leaving me $5,000,000.
I want to donate it to an upright man and lover of the arts like yourself (and the 10,800 others I have sent this to).To receive this money before the wicked men who are after the money get to me, please supply me with all your banking details, name, tel no and number of times you’ve been caught wearing women’s clothing in the past two years. (photos appreciated)
Alternatively if you could pay Ann Gadd any $$ you may owe her in the interim, I would be most grateful.
This would facilitate the transfer of my funds to you.
Your humble servant
Fellow art lover,
Ann Gadd
This was their reply:
Dear Cherished Artist
I am writing this reply somewhat embarrassed as I did not take you appeal seriously as you did not mention that you were suffering from cancer, which is vital if one wants to be taken seriously when donating large sums of money. However I have just concluded a multi billion dollar deal in Zimbabwe and I believe although you are not dying of cancer I have to take your lucrative offer seriously because I was also in the army and know how lucrative it was.
My Attorney At Law Peter Mc Wealth will be in touch with you as soon as you forward us $5 000 000 and we will reciprocate with cleansed funds to assist your artistic career.
Humblest of art dealers
Grovelling J
Sheep sold as Poodles
LONDON — A report that thousands of Japanese residents had been “fleeced” into buying neatly-groomed lambs they thought were poodles was a hoax, an investigation has revealed.
The Sun newspaper of London orginated the story Thursday under a reporter byline. The Metro newspaper picked up the story, as did the Daily Express. The story was then repeated by the BBC and has since been reported internationally by newspapers and Web sites in the UK, America, New Zealand and South Africa. Even talk-show host Rush Limbaugh reported the story.
According to the reports, lambs were shipped from Great Britain and Australia to Japan by an Internet company advertising them as poodle puppies. The Sun also reported that a Japanese actress suspected a scam after her “poodle” didn’t bark and wouldn’t eat dog food.
Actually, the actress appeared on a talk show and only said she had “heard” of a person who bought a poodle that turned out to be a lamb, the Web site Snopes.com reported Friday.
The newspapers said that authorities believe as many as 2,000 people in Japan had been conned. It turned out, the reporters were conned.
Prince Charles buys Camilla sheep for birthday present
Prince Charles, who is patron of the Rare Breeds Survival Trust, is said to have bought his wife Camilla some plants and two rare breed long-haired sheep, a ram and a ewe, as a birthday gift. The duchess was “delighted” by her presents, friends said.
From the Telegraph
By David Harrison and Roya Nikkhah , Sunday Telegraph
Sheep sold as Poodles
LONDON — A report that thousands of Japanese residents had been “fleeced” into buying neatly-groomed lambs they thought were poodles was a hoax, an investigation has revealed.
The Sun newspaper of London orginated the story Thursday under a reporter byline. The Metro newspaper picked up the story, as did the Daily Express. The story was then repeated by the BBC and has since been reported internationally by newspapers and Web sites in the UK, America, New Zealand and South Africa. Even talk-show host Rush Limbaugh reported the story.
According to the reports, lambs were shipped from Great Britain and Australia to Japan by an Internet company advertising them as poodle puppies. The Sun also reported that a Japanese actress suspected a scam after her “poodle” didn’t bark and wouldn’t eat dog food.
Actually, the actress appeared on a talk show and only said she had “heard” of a person who bought a poodle that turned out to be a lamb, the Web site Snopes.com reported Friday.
The newspapers said that authorities believe as many as 2,000 people in Japan had been conned. It turned out, the reporters were conned.
Crafty sheep conquer cattle grids
Hungry sheep on the Yorkshire moors have taught themselves to roll 8ft (3m) across hoof-proof metal cattle grids - and raid villagers’ valley gardens.
The crafty animals have also perfected the skill of hurdling 5ft (1.5m) fences and squeezing through 8in (20cm) gaps.
They have destroyed several gardens and even graze on the village park, bowling green, cricket field and graveyard.
The grids were installed 10 years ago after a gardener in Marsden, near Huddersfield, held stray sheep hostage.
Dorothy Lindley, a Conservative councillor in the former textile town on the edge of the Pennine uplands in West Yorkshire, said: “They lie down on their side, or sometimes their back, and just roll over and over the grids until they are clear”.
“I’ve seen them doing it. It is quite clever but they are a big nuisance to villagers”.
“They eat plants, flowers and vegetables in gardens”.
“It is soul destroying”.
“Registered commoners”, who can claim rights of open grazing going back to medieval times, pasture the sheep on moorland owned by the National Trust.
Mrs Lindley added: “What amazes us is they are not frightened”.
“When you try to move them on they look at you as if to say it is their patch and you are not right in the head”. 
“You can shout at them and even if they see a dog they are not frightened”.
“Several drivers have had to swerve to avoid hitting the animals and damaged their cars or been given a terrible shock”.
“What we really need is more fencing to stop them. But they would probably find another way out before long”.
“They must find more tastier morsels down here.”
A National Farmers’ Union spokeswoman in York said: “We have never seen anything like it”.
“We have looked at ways of improving the situation but it is very difficult. The grids are substantial bits of kit.”
A National Sheep Association spokeswoman said: “Sheep are quite intelligent creatures and have more brainpower than people are willing to give them credit for.”
Council swops lawnmowers for sheep to cut their grass
Council chiefs are poised to get rid of lawnmowers and draft in sheep to cut their grass.
The farm animals could be brought in a radical eco-initiative to maintain the lawns at the headquarters of Norfolk County Council in Norwich.
The sheep would be looked after by their own dedicated council shepherd.
County hall bosses are keen to create a cloven-hoofed footprint instead of an anti-environmental carbon one through fuelled grass-cutting machines.
Lawnmowers are to be put out to graze in favour of grass-cutting sheep.
A council spokesperson said: “We are at a very early stage of investigating the possibility of having sheep grazing on the County Hall grounds. Nothing has been decided at this stage.”
“But if deemed to be viable, it would be an environmentally-friendly option, which would allow us to reduce our carbon footprint by cutting down on the amount of mowing required.”
“As a result it would also reduce costs in terms of using less diesel”. The scheme has been put forward by the facilities department which deals with grounds maintenance.”
Transportation and livestock regulations mean there are a whole range of departments at the council involved in the blueprint.
The spokesperson added: “Initially this idea came from the facilities team at County Hall” - who were aware of similar schemes elsewhere in the county.
“It’s still too early to say but the land here many moons ago would have been parkland with sheep grazing on it.”
The council is also thinking about hiring a shepherd to herd the county hall flock.
The spokesperson said: “Although it’s undecided, we might need a shepherd to borrow the sheep. This is not the first time sheep have been used to maintain grassy areas.”
Graveyards have used them to keep the turfy sections between tombstones neat and tidy.
Sheep are also keen munchers of weeds and other pasture menaces, so make the ideal animal for this type of work.
Farmer Stephen Richardson, 48, of Richardson Farm, Ashwellthorpe, said: “Sheep graze more evenly than other types of animals as they don’t leave big gaps - they also eat grass till it’s quite short”.
“As they are a small animal, they’re better in some ways to have than cattle as they won’t churn up the ground as much”.
“However, you would need to ensure they are fenced in - if they got out onto the road it could be dangerous”.
“Sheep are also subject to movement orders under Defra regulations because of foot and mouth.”
The idea is being backed by the National Farmers’ Union.
NFU regional spokesman Brian Finnerty said: “These sorts of techniques are used in wildlife and nature reserves - so why not other areas? It’s certainly good for the environment”.
“As long as they were fenced in and were safe from dogs, who often scare sheep, then it could work.”
But the council should be warned sheep may not be as green as they at first seem.
The animals have a tendency to burp and fart producing a lot of methane which can damage the ozone. In fact the waste produced by livestock such as sheep and downs has been found to cause a problem for the environment.
One of the largest populations of sheep is in New Zealand where they have researched other food sources for the 40 million population to reduce the levels of methane from the animals’ waste.
Mail for Ewe
This was an email I received. I enjoyed replying to it (see below):
Farm
Matjiesfontein
Klein Karoo
Western Cape
Dear Anthony
Regarding your letter of the 16th October, we advise that it is not the policy of this farm to sell sheep on an individual basis.
All our stock is sold on auction to registered Breeders, with whom we enjoy an excellent relationship.
We would certainly not - from anyone - accept an order that specified a sheep ” capable of fitting into a size 8 dress” nor one requesting an animal which is, to quote your letter, “more passive and docile perhaps than its compatriots in the flock, sweet tempered yet frisky by nature but willing to hold still when commanded….and which does not bleat very loudly even under gross provocation, such that it may betray its presence in the locality”.
Accordingly, we have no alternative but to advise you that unless you agree in writing to seek professional help and to undertake Group Counselling with Ruminants Anonymous, we shall seek a Supreme Court order restraining you from making contact with our charges in any manner whatsoever.
We look forward to receiving your written communique accepting our conditions within 3 days from the date of this letter.
Furthermore, we regret that we cannot recommend any other farming establishment or “sheep enthusiasts club” from which you might be able to procure a sheep, to be, as you succinctly put it…” a man’s best friend”.
Yours Faithfully
Keith Van Heerden
The Reply
K.D. VAN HEERDEN
Divisional Director
Livestock
Lamb Lane Farm
Dear Mr van Heerden,
My first reaction on reading your letter was to tell you to flock off. Who are ewe?
Anthony is mortified by your lambasting and less than subtle, sordid insinuations as to his integrity and is unable presently to even consider replying to you.
Hence in order to avoid a court order, the job has been left to me to you to sort out chop chop.
Clearly you have been spending way too much time counting sheep in the hot sun, for your faculties to be functioning correctly or someone has pulled a certain amount of wool over your eyes.
Your Rambo like approach and degrading of an art form, into some lurid sexual perversion is a reflection on the sorry state of your art appreciation.
I am a lambscape painter, while Anthony paints nudes. Anthony did indeed request a sheep, but not for the purposes you imply. When it comes to a choice between his nubile muses and mutton, he’d certainly agree that the grass is not greener on the sheep side.
It was in an attempt to obtain a live model for me (necessary for any artist of my repute), that lead to his request. A sheep capable of “fitting into a size 8 dress,” was his tactful way of saying that the sheep should be on the slim side - I am not wanting lamb dressed as mutton, so to speak. Likewise, his description of the required sheep was for purely practical purposes - attempting to immortalize an ill tempered sheep would do nothing to enhance my work, (or the price-tag attached to it.) I also require silence of my lambs when working, hence the request for a more passive, introverted sheep. As to the “holding still on command,” this is, you’d agree an essential requirement in a creature whose fate it is to stand still for many hours, whilst having its portrait painted.
You will now realize that the court order would only make you look more of wolf in sheep’s clothing and impart to a broader spectrum of people your own inner neurosis (and possible deviant nature, for even imagining issues such as this, in what was an innocent request by one of the countries’ better known artists.)
Re the “sheep enthusiasts club” request. Anthony was clearly seeking to find new markets for my work. (Which I might say is taking off well in New Zealand, where I gather they are very fond of sheep). As to becoming a “man’s best friend, “I feel sure he would have been alluding to the close relationship that builds between an artist and his/her model.
I suggest you retract your defamatory insinuations, acknowledge the lost sheep you are and get back to the job of farming.
Yours faithfully
Ann Gadd (sheep artist)
And again
Sent: 09 November 2007 08:51 AM
To: Ann Gadd
Subject: Re: LambLane Reply
Good Morning Ann (if that is indeed your real name)
Clearly you are familiar with psychological disorders, as is evidenced in your writing, and your fairly thinly-veiled attempt at taking control.
It is sad that pastoral creatures, such as innocent lambs, are held in such regard, by some, for what appears to be self gain (your “art”..oh excuse me for pulling my hand across my brow in mock surprise)
Ruminants Anonymous have been copied in on this email reply of yours and their immediate response to me was that ” It is not unusual for subjects such as the “Gadds” to move into denial, although the reply was, if one allows oneself to take a moment, entertaining and original eg. who are ewe?. The subjects are indeed familiar with plays on words and suffice to say the whole commentary is disturbing, one should merely draw a conclusion that perhaps some deep seated resentment towards Parental control and past unresolved sibling issues may be at the root of the denial. In several recorded instances, sociopathatic leanings are at play and counselling is recommended”
In light of the reponse from Ruminants Anonymous therefore, “Ann”, we believe that you and “Anthony” should seek counselling..and the sooner the better.
Perhaps also in view of your predeliction for control, you could consider Art Therapy, which may help both of you achieve a more balanced approach towards the innocence as displayed by the subjects that you ardently favour.
Yours Sincerely
Keith
The final reply
Dear Keith,
Indeed, Ann is my name (although I have been called much worse).
have read your letter with deep distress, for the torment you currently find yourself in.
I am surprised your psychologist did not explain the concept of projection to you, for clearly this is what is happening.
For a sheep farmer, you appear to have a knowledge of basic psychology, which is you’ll agree unusual. This leads me to the conclusion that you have taken the first steps towards receiving the help you need. Well done! Now there is nothing whatsoever wrong in admitting that you have a problem. It’s just that you need to be able to identify your own projection issues, if you are to heal. Do not feel ashamed of your problem, its quite normal (amongst certain sectors of the public). It’s clear that as a child, the moment you first got aroused, coincided with a sheep bleating and so now the associations are interlinked. This must cause you confusion and rather than examine this issue, you are attempting to get rid of it, by projecting your fantasies onto others. This desire is understandable, given your upbringing, I guess, as a lonely farm boy, with only sheep as company. Now, there nothing wrong with liking sheep as such. Particularly because they never say no (unlike Mrs. van Heerden) and they don’t nag or hog the remote, having relationships with sheep is not really going to make for a long term satisfying relationship.
You clearly are also projecting your own hurts onto sheep, by seeing them as “innocent lambs.” I understand that is how you see yourself - an innocent, tormented by desires and yearnings that appear foreign. It is also because I can see your problem that I have not taken offence at your comments. Know Keith, there is someone who does care. I urge you to continue to receive help, so that you can enjoy a happy fulfilled relationship with someone of your own species (hopefully Mrs Van Heerden.)
Re your attack on my art: While your art appreciation has clearly not evolved to the point you can understand the subtle style of my work, you may in time, with various courses in art appreciation, be able to expand on your narrow and boorish view of what art is (although to be honest I don’t hold out too much hope.) I will also have you know that as part of our “Ruminants Upliftment” program Anthony and I are taking valuable hours out of our busy schedules to teach sheep the finer things in life, such as art. It is my belief there is a huge wealth of talent in those little bleating bodies, which I wish to encourage. I have enclosed photos of Ewereka, busy creating another masterpiece, which you may want to enlarge and frame (for artistic purposes of course.)
Well done again, for taking the first steps to recovery you so desperately need.
Ann Gadd
New Zealand Sex Operators
Dont loose you marbles
Monty Python’s Famous Flying Sheep
